Me Time!

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Ripping and running. Getting ready for my last semester of grad school. Planning for my future. Making time for my loved ones. Working my nine to five. A sister, daughter, girlfriend, friend and encourager to the world. Worried about things I can’t change. Trying to be perfect.

All of these thoughts were racing through my mind right before I went to bed last night. I couldn’t really sleep and I knew I needed to take time out for myself.

Instead of pressing my way on Monday morning to work, I instead took the day off to gather the thoughts that were consuming me.

We often don’t listen to our gut when it tells us we need to take a break. Instead we push until we reach the moment of burn out, and this usually happens at the most inconvenient times.

You can’t keep giving to everyone else and expect that at the end of the day you will have something left for yourself. You have to pour back into yourself often so you can keep living the good life.

What to do on your mental health vacay/holiday?

Say No. Sometimes you have to say No to people and don’t feel obligated to explain why. You can’t be everything to everyone always! Remember that!

Why did I start this in the first place? Maybe you’re starting to feel stress with some of the projects, plans or dreams you have committed to. Asses why you started in the first place (be honest with yourself) maybe you didn’t have the right motivates in the first place. Adjust your work load so its reasonable.

Have fun. Treat yourself to dinner or the movies. Or even lay by the pool. (hey but shut down from social media for a little while.

Rest. Veg out. Watch Netflix all day. Catch up on House of Cards, Orange is the New Black or one of your favorite shows.

Advice. Take a day or two advice break. Sometimes we are full of everyone else’s opinion that we forget about what we really want.

Love, Laugh & Learn
Shivawn xo

OH and another thing. I’ve learned that I create burn out for myself by trying to control every single detail in my life or by looking too far down the road. Take each day as it comes and try to live in the moment have fun and learn the lessons as they come!

Cheers to You

Do you ever just take a moment to appreciate how far you’ve made it in life?

I was daydreaming at work (smiles) when I blurted out loud what have I done this year?

I had to rewind and realized that I have been in school full time and worked hard on another business with my friend for majority of the year. But I felt like that wasn’t enough. I wanted to be so busy that I felt like I didn’t have time for myself or the people I cared about.

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Yet I always complain about work life balance.

I had to recognize that in every season in life we are in different places. And being busy isn’t always the answer. You could be being busy doing the wrong thing.

We tend to push it to the limit every day. We compare ourselves to other people and how far they seem they’ve come. We have plans and goals set out for our day, month and year. We make some of our goals and miss a few. However, we only focus on what goals we’ve missed or the repeated failures that we’ve experienced. This causes us to push even harder often making us work harder instead of smarter.

Be okay with where you are.

How can you enjoy the journey?

blessingjar

Blessing Jar. I follow Karen Civil on IG and saw her post the idea of a blessing jar. Every time something great happens to you write it down and place it in the jar. You can pull out the notes when you get discouraged and just need some encouragement. Or you can wait until the end of the year to count your blessings. It helps. We often forget how many wonderful things that happen to us daily.

Take the Compliment. If you are working towards your goals and even if you stumble and someone encourages you along the way don’t belittle how far you’ve come. Stop and just say thank you for the encouragement and keep pushing. Don’t belittle the compliment by stating you haven’t done X Y and Z.

Celebrate. No matter how small the steps on the highway to success always set time out to celebrate. Treat yourself to a spa day, movie or a night out with your friends.

Revisit. Are your goals measurable and realistic? If you need to adjust your deadline do that instead of forcing yourself to meet something you know you can’t reach.

Love, Lessons & Laughs
Xo Shivawn

Oh and thanks to CJ for letting me snag her picture from IG 🙂

The Monday Blues

Dreadful Monday.

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All across social media you will see a lot of people complaining about how much they loathe, hate and can’t stand Monday’s. It’s the Monday blues and most of us are infected with it. It’s so bad that you start to see people (I’m guilty too) on Sunday preparing to complain about the upcoming day.

It’s so easy to complain and wine about how much I don’t care for Monday. But, let’s be honest everyone doesn’t hate Monday’s. They are no different from you and me so we must be doing something wrong?

Well, I’m all about checking myself before I wreck myself. That means being proactive rather than reactive. If you don’t like something just change it, simple as that. But, change requires you to do something other than complain or throwing a pity party.

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We are given a small amount of time to have this amazing life, so why not make the best of every moment?
It’s in the small details where we slowly blow it.

Adjust. If you hate Monday’s that means you probably don’t care for your job. Maybe you need to look into a change of career or establishing your own business. Just get started. If you would’ve started January one, you would be six months in already.

Patience. It’s a curse word to me but we all need it. Nothing absolutely nothing happens instantly. Once you get the fairy tale of instant success out of your mind it will help you to set realistic goals and you will enjoy the journey so much more.

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Check your mind. Our mind wanders and goes a million miles a minute. Thinking about what could go wrong or the reasons why we won’t succeed. It matters what you think. Think about what you are feeding yourself daily? You can’t feed yourself negativity and think a positive life will happen. Thinking positive takes effort.

Consistency. Establish small goals and stick with it. Find someone who will hold you accountable for the goals you have in place. If you stumble, it’s okay start over tomorrow and keep it moving.

Xo Shivawn
Love, Lessons & Laughs

Ps I’m starting back my Sunday/Monday detox series…stay on the lookout for encouragement to start you week out better!

Hair Weave Killer

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I cut my hair 8 weeks ago and I hated it. I mean loathed it. I had a complete pity party melt down over my hair. So to fix it I got weave, blah it was okay but it wasn’t popping. Then I decided to just throw some braids in. Meh. It works but I’m over it.

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Dilemma One. I’ve had short hair several times in my life. I usually cut it when I’m making a major change in my life. So the short hair isn’t the issue. The issue is I’m now natural and I haven’t quite figured this thing out.

Dilemma Two. My significant other isn’t aware of the fact that his boo will do anything to her hair and change a million times over. I really love change. I guess I’m a rebel. Rewind I think he knows I love change but not when it comes to the hair thing. You see when I ran into him I was kind of in the I’m so glad to have long hair again that my hairstyles were predictable.

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Dilemma Three. Everyone doesn’t know how to style natural hair. I’m looking for an amazing non-frumpy hairstylist (suggestions please)!

Crickets. This hair thing can be stressful.

I JUST want to love my hair and I want my honey to love my hair to. Shrugs just telling the truth. I remember polling people on IG asking them prior to the big chop if I should cut my hair and I got some mixed reviews.
Needless to say I always get a lesson out of my rash decisions.

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I have no idea when I became so consumed with what everyone else thought over my darn self. Own the decisions you make and if you don’t like it move on and try something else. Don’t be afraid to try something else… EVER.

Be a confident you. Period. Define what beauty is to YOU and not everyone else and keep it moving chile!

Yes you should (my two cents) include your significant other in the decisions you are making however, if your significant other wants to run off because of a hair malfunction mmmmhhhh they aren’t the one for you!

Be on the lookout for my new do!
Xo Shivawn

I’m Dating Instagram

I think I’ve been in a relationship with instagram for about 2 years. I check it in the morning like it’s the newspaper. I’m scrolling through the pictures while I’m in the car with friends, when I’m at the movies and even in meetings at work. I mean you could say me and Instagram are in a pretty serious relationship.

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I give Instagram my undivided attention; I won’t look up at you when you’re talking to me just so I can see what’s going on with everyone else. Not really giving thought to rude I’m being.

Now I’m in a relationship with this amazing guy so where does that leave me and Instagram….?

I have shared something that was really important first with instagram and told my love after that. Sometimes there is a long silence when we are together because I’m scrolling, liking, laughing or shaking my head at something someone posted on Instagram.

Then it hit me. I’m neglecting my love for people I really don’t know (not good).

Executive decision needed to be made, less instagram and more interaction with the people I care about. I decided to test out less instagram and it was hilarious. One I got a lot more done but I also realized I was looking crazy because everyone else I was around was stuck in their phones on social media or the internet. I also noticed how social media has made a lot of people socially awkward. We can’t hold a basic conversation for more than 2 minutes (pretty lame).

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So how do we look up and enjoy life more?

• Quality Time. The first 30 minutes that you walk into your house or visit someone it should be no a phone zones. Enjoy your family, actually talk to your significant other and look at them (you might actually see that they are smiling at you).

• Boundaries. My Dad is big on no phones at the dinner table. He actually hates it. My brother and I use to trip and even sneak a text at the table. But eventually it turned into don’t even bring your phone to the dinner table. I was so annoyed by this but I realized he wanted to just enjoy his family. Talk, laugh, debate with us and create memories that we could laugh about later in life.

• Memories. Make some memories that are just yours. Take pictures if you must but create an old fashion photo album instead of posting everything on social media.

Life is what happens when you put your phone down.

Sharing is caring
Xo Shivawn

I…US…WE

“I don’t know much about algebra (but I know) one plus one equals two…and it’s me and you.” Rewind 1+1 doesn’t really equal you and me once you start dating.

Hear me out…

Yes, relationship consists of you and your honey. But once you got in the boat together, some other people jumped into the boat with you two. Your family, friends, associates, coworkers, possible exes, children all have invited themselves to become a part of your relationship. And guess what everyone has and opinion about what you should or shouldn’t be doing.

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Us is now We and the We can lead to a sinking ship, if you don’t learn to make adjustments. I have learned that too many opinions about your relationship can lead to unnecessary confusion.

How do you maintain a healthy balance between all of these people that you care about as well?
BOUNDARIES. Upfront boundaries.

Communicating boundaries to your loved ones is necessary. As well as deciding/communicating with your significant other the boundaries you both need in order to have a great relationship.
Change is tough especially when you are transitioning from only thinking about yourself to now considering someone else’s feelings.

My two cents:

Mutual Friends. Don’t involve them in your relationship. Don’t ask for feedback on what you should do pertaining to your relationship. It puts them in a situation where they feel as if they are in the middle or have to choose sides.

Exes. They shouldn’t be a part of the boat. They are your ex for a reason so keep them in the past.

Family. They are loyal to you no matter how much they love your significant other. Keep them out of your business .

Point of View. However, if you decide to involve your family, friends and associates in your relationship please consider the source. If they have never been in a healthy relationship why are you considering their advice?

Xo …healthy relationships require effort!!!
Sharing is Caring
Shivawn

It’s a Love Thing

Misery Loves Company. Happiness is taboo.

jay&b

I can share the hurt I’ve experienced while dating. The growing pains it took me to get to the point that I knew I was ready to date. The disappointment I felt by letting my guard down too soon and even my frustration with being the last single girl in the world.
But why can’t I share when I’m happy……Why can’t I be vulnerable enough to say hey I’m in a great place right now and I’m absolutely in love?
ONE
I’ve learned that people say they want the best for you, but as soon as love shows up at your door and not theirs they tend to dump their dry well wishes and negative advice into your world.
TWO
I’ve always felt like my love should be private because relationships are between two people. NOT the world, the less people you have involved is the best policy for me.
However, my love pointed out that I blog about the bad but why haven’t I blogged about the good. Sigh, refer back to the top.
But then I thought about how much cheating, and jacked up relationships are rammed down our throats daily and how this really has shaped our reality. We’ve become numb to dysfunctional relationships while cringing when we see a couple express their love on instagram often questioning the validity of their love.
I just know I can’t let love go out like that. It’s an amazing feeling to experience. Does it require growth, adjustment, sacrifice and a lot of self checking? Hell yes!!
So do I know if I will blog about my love consistently…mmmmmhhhhm let’s play that by ear.  Below I left you with some things I’ve learned since I started seriously dating!

I’m selfish. LOL! Shoot at least I realize when I’m being selfish and try to make adjustments.

Having other couples who are in HEALTHY relationships is really important to me.

Don’t compare him/her to anyone else you know. I had to tell myself he’s not my Dad and I need to let him just be him.

If you can’t deal with who they are now then you probably shouldn’t be with them.

You won’t agree on everything and that’s okay. Don’t make everything a big deal.

Communication is so important to me! I have to say how I feel within reason.

Quality time is necessary. No cell phones, no social media. Just me and him.

Sharing is Caring!
Shivawn xo